he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I deserve this hangover.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize