So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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