I think my vagina is haunted
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
