Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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