uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
