That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize