i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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