Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
