phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
