all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
