I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
