I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
