i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
