Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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