I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
