Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
