You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
