she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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