Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
