Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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