WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
