A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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