I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
