I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
