I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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