Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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