I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
