I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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