SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
