OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
