thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
