One girl and one boy is just not enough.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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