He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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