just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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