you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
