Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
