how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
