Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
