i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
