My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
