he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
