are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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