No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
