he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
