just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
