i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
