he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
