just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
