Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
