Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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