I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize