I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
