unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
