yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
