last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I will be naked everywhere
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
