You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
