return my video game
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
pray to the hookup gods
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
