i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
