Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
