Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
only you would photoshop your dick
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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