wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
