i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
