she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
