Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
