Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
