"it" just moved
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
