He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
