Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize