she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
