so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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