she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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