the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
